Finding someone to mess around with or just have a one night stand you really don’t have to be picky about them. The only test they need to pass is if they are attractive enough to be with you. But to build a relationship with someone that is a different scenario. For me personally I need a girl to have a sense of humor. That’s a must for me due to I don’t want to be with someone that takes themselves serious all the time. They must be attractive, at least in my eye. But one of the most important parts is that the girl needs to be an individual, some one that does things their own way. What I find unattractive is constantly being serious, being uptight, or just someone that goes with the crowd. They could look like Paris Hilton for all I care, but if they are any of those things it just kills it for me.
For Duck’s theories on how relationships dissolve it does make sense to me. The intrapsychic is about how a person might feel that the other isn’t meeting their psychological needs as not being there emotionally. The dyadic phase is where the partners talk about their problems and decide if they want to continue with the relationship. The social phase is just announcing to loved ones that you two broke up, and the grave-dressing phase is just trying to determine what went wrong.
As far as social or pre-interaction cues I never used these to determine if I want to get to know a person. I’m not shallow, I really don’t care where someone comes from I just want to know who they are as people.
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My friends and I have a set of guidelines for someone who we will date or have sex with: You don't sleep with someone who is mean, you don't sleep with someone who is stupid, and you don't sleep with a what-what (an inside joke: a what-what is someone who goes around, acting like a wannabe gangster, popping his caller and saying "what what?!"). These "rules" are what help us recognize what we don't want to associate with, because without fail, these poor qualities will breed true. I think as a whole, when looking for a partner we tend to try and find the qualities that we try to see in ourselves: to be funny, an individual, someone people should respect. I agree with your idea that you don't necessarily care where someone comes from; it's what is on the inside that counts.
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ReplyDeleteI also agree I too look for a sense of humor in a partner, without this it is hard to look on the bright side when you are going through rough times. I agree too that they must be attractive atleast in my eyes, otherwise I don't think their would be that chemistry that we need in a romantic partner. For me too some personal characteristics and qualities are a complete turn off and it does not matter if I think you look like brad pitt or something I will not find you attractive at all. It is very interesting because after getting to know people some become more attractive and some become less. This is because their personalities, values, beliefs, attitudes, etc effect how we look at them..